2 my gals...

a fren is sick. i can only say 'fren, u noe we'll be there when u need us? dun hav 2 be afraid 2 let us noe too...'

or maybe itz me. i tin u r being amazingly strong but y do i feel somehow beneath all tat strong front, u still go get frightened or saddened by watz happening? i might be wrong, i can get over-dramatic but i dun wan 2 miss out again. i wan 2 mk sure i'm there...if u wan me 2.

i noe we hav gotten on wif our lives and i do feel sad (i'm still human & a girl afterall) when i felt i seemed 2 hav missed out watz happening in ur lives but i'm learning, learning to not mind such things & care abt more impt stuffs. i'll still be ard anyway...when u all wan a tok, shoulder (itz quite bony tho) or meal :P

btw gals, cun wait 4 u ppl 2 share my supposed-happiest-day-in-my-life, the fun, the planning blah blah blah...hehe.

wherez the hen trip we r supposed 2 go on btw??

today i counted. 102 more working days...hopefully.

rebel

i felt like being rebellious...

y muz certain ppl tin watever they r doing is correct? Y cun they give ppl a tot of their mind? Y cun they accept tat others have plans in their lives? Y dun they have more impt things in life so they stop thinking those mindless stuffs as impt stuffs? Y muz they make a big fuss over things so tat ppl noe they r doing things? Y muz ppl become such ppl?

i am vastly irritated (who do u tin u r??), disturbed (Y do ppl behave like tat), horrified (i am genuinely horrified by these ppl & i'm scared of them because i tin itz horrible) & terrified (i dun wan 2 be like them!!).

i tin the place is madness.

i need 2 get out.

i'm constipating 1 moment & hvg diarrhoea the next (which meant i'm stressed).

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...the next off is in Nov!!! altho okay, i got a day off in aug but we need 2 be at hdb!!!

or well, i might hav dug my own grave at wk by being rebellious. not expecting a gd day tmr esp aft appraisal session. altho i tried 2 be as less concerned or heck care, these things can still terrorise me as it reminds me of all the terrible aspects of thy job. luckily someone invented something called salary but if they dun...i can dun wk & be a homemaker!! haha. i can dream abt it tonite.

high-tech

oh, spidey's all over the pagge i guess..LOL

anyway, i'm amazed wif technology & wonder where the insignificant me stand in all these.

"I got a wedding invitation via facebook!"

okay, i'm suagu, tortoise or ulu, whatever u call me. i was awestrucked 2 c the invite & more amazed 2 c all the respondents on fb itself. anyway, loyal-i suspect-wun-be-free-2-c-this-post ex-senior, "boss", blog-stalker is getting married & puny me is amazed wif all the technology wif the invite & blog. okay, enough. i guess i've shamed myself wif my inadequate IT knowledge. i promise 2 buck up.

so congrats mate! i sounded so SK...haha. seems like a loonng when i 1st knew & tada, suddenly itz 77 days away. the blog was vy sweet...heehee but wherez the pics??!!

the weekend's ending again as i need 2 drag my feet back 2 wk again. sounds of thy sista saying "tatz y how itz like working 4 a female boss" ring onimously in my ear still...working 4 someone whom i tin juz fall out of love is worse i reckon. i'm a woman & i noe but too bad i'm juz a poor subordinate who hope boss will get better & we'll get a better life & all live happily ever after. like real. anyway, i hate 2 tin of the appraisal i reci...getting a development for communication...bcoz i've not tok 2 enough or enough impt ppl. haiz. life is hard at times. i wish i was back somewhere i had more petty & not-as-career-threatening trouble i deem. i juz feel uncomfortable thinking of all these. sure, itz a matter of me changing 2 suit the environment but wat if i'm unhappy aft tat or i become a faker person i fear i might be? hvg a sort-of identity crisis & feeling lost as usual & sometimes i get more confused pouring out the woes 2 ppl. haiz, life, juz life. cest la vie...

happier stuffs. i got a windfall lately, literally. thy bf's dad struck lottery & i actually got 2 share the spoils! is that 1 more sign of me being welcomed into his family? nevertheless, quite happy abt it tho the $$$...but i cun bring myself 2 say oh, maybe, maybe okay...i'll buy a long-awaited LV wif it...or or i dun mind a kate spade either. i can imagine all the nagging abt how this is a crisis & we juz got a flat, so i shd be saving. the worse part? i cun escape my conscience which's nagging tat way too. okay, maybe i say we'll use this to buy the curtains needed in the house k? tat felt like 5 times better coz i felt the sighing in my heart. serious, do i even need a LV? oh ya, i forgot, the combined spoils tat bf & i was slated 4 the bed. okayee...4 a better night of sleep. bye to speedy or whichever model u r i've been A-ing.

back 2 enjoy the last bits of the treasured weekend...

breakout :(

pimply face again!!!

depressed...depressed...& more depressed!!!
*thinks abt the hundred products or treatments i wan 2 buy or go 4...

juz saw news that thy co might be investigated & if a huge payout results from tat, then oh, i tin we'll have a nervy round of taps again.

juz ended half of a horrible system testing today. collz & i almost died of the problems tat kept cropping like only 2 us. nice. & we both tin we'll be dead by the time mgr c wat we have. tat will be on thurs. tok abt getting taps...& i feel so tired. at 1 juncture i felt the mad rush of like account signing date. +helping out at career fair (which i practically did nothing yet, not gd for 人缘) + another collz on core leave. i wish the mad May will end soon.

if may ends & june comes, i'll be getting older soon...haiz. watz new??

i tin i've been procrastinating on things. things tat i shd be thinking abt or do but i juz dun do or do everything else except them. hmm...i actually now dun remember wat they r...oops. r they impt aft all?

i tin my spoken grammer has degraded 2 the lowest possible level & it doesn't help tat i need 2 use them at wk quite a bit. i hope this instead will help me improve...PLS. maybe i shd get some grammer books 2 use in the 1st place & can prepare 4 coconut...LOL

i shd also seriously tin abt my ppl communication skills, it will really mk things easier but then, i tin i can be really harsh on myself at times. watz wrong wif being myself? watz wrong wif not being the person ppl wans me 2 be? prob i'm juz afraid i'm using tat as an excuse 2 not open up myself but then again, y shd i? these ppl dun care abt my existence & i would like 2 shout "i don't also! watz the big deal abt like working here only?" at times. okay, for thy $$'s sake, i will bear wif it. itz not bad sometimes, maybe it mks wat i wan clearer. the other day i was worrying over my career progression bcoz i noe i will nvr get THERE in this job & i'm already this old le, like been hopping ard a bit. i manage 2 comfort myself tho. i still have a great family, bf, frens & a lovely dog ard me. how 幸福...keke, so i dun wan 2 get all drama over this :D

time 2 sleep tho...i fear more breakouts.

fitting or not?

i really tin i dun fit in. i felt like an idiot during the catch-up session. everything juz dun seem right.

is it a coincidence or wat? johnny say he's looking 4 an a/cs & admin person again at this timing...but i dun tin i'll be there aft the last time. i dun wan 2 feel bad again :P

i've been thinking 2 terminate 1 of my phone lines but i dunno if i shd get a new phone or get which telco. i definitely wan 2 save some $$$ by signing on the corporate plan but a new phone is against my savings plan. i juz went 2 the laneige website & tin i needed 2 products...erm.

FAT & i got captivated by this show repeating on channel 8.

tada.

i got facebook ><

nothing has changed. i still feel vy tired every morning. i still ask myself if i can dun go 2 wk every morning. i still wake up 4 wk in the end every morning. gd thing is, i'm still getting paid & $$$ still comes into my a/c every mth & i can continue 2 have a shopping list tho i scrapped them now & then 4 the nex trip.

i was hoping tat someone wld improve the aircon ventilation system on mrts. i cannot allow myself 2 be on the brink of breaking out in sweat when i'm cramming near the door & got so cold i feel i'm at mt fuji again when i'm standing at the right place. this is absurd. a mrt ride deciding how my day will go. i dun like 2 start the day sweaty & sticky :(

i was poking at my nose again yday & i tin i saw uneven skin surfaces & larger pores...em, will i go pauline's way soon? tat crazy woman is spending 2.1k on a 3-session laser 2 get better skin. gosh. & she shopped for 7 days 6 nites non-stop in taiwan. i'm amazed. she's still as funny. itz nice seeing her again. even tho i was trying vy hard 2 not say 'i wan go sleep le' during our hk cafe session. unlike anti-social-i-need-to-sleep-at-11-ivy tho i kept pestering her 2 turn up 4 my wedding...lol.

i kept feeling tat the feb aus trip is like such a long time ago. i cun believe japan was only last yr. oh, while day-to-day life flies past but they well, r juz so-so normal days & not tat significant i guess. if thy BF cannot find a caretaker 4 his 4 dogs 4 his family trip 2 take place, maybe i can go bangkok again. cheaper & i can spend w/o so much guilt.

thy collz kept saying i love wk coz i kept smiling at the com. i'm like 'duh', i prob smiled coz i saw something lighter eg. S-L-J's silly emails...SQ's equally silly replies...LOL. i'm not the friendliest person ard k?!! DUH :s

here's a leg for tat duh-ness.

a former best fren is getting married. most of my close frens r involved & i'm definitely out of the picture. tot of the time when we said we'll be each other's sister 4 our weddings. now tat it will nvr happen, u realise things dun stay the same way u wish they will be forever sometimes. i got myself a facebook a/c. i figure i shd be more active in socialising wif my frens & keeping in touch, so there i am. i even uploaded my pic can *proud look on the face* even tho i was vy unfamiliar wif the interface. i sometimes ponder: am i even a gd fren 2 be wif in the start? i realised how i've kinda drifted apart even from my long-time pals but i suppose this is wat we shd expect as we grow older. it would be great if we could grow old tog & still continue 2 laugh at the same old stuffs then...lol. now tat is something tat facebook wun even be able 2 save me from even...ha.

if only i could wake up to this for a consecutive 2 wks of my life...haha...i dun dare say too long coz being the city ppl, we might not be used to it. shit, i'm missing aus again.

i wish i have the courage...

read from shiling's blog tat she has decided to quit her job.

i wish i have the courage. thy BF has been supportive but i'm still feeling apprehensive.

i always tin there is much at stake & i always tin so much...as usual. making myself absolutely miserable is part of my life.

i wish i have the courage and i can go 4 wat i really really wan.

question is: wat do i really really wan? right now, itz perhaps not gg 2 wk where i felt like a zombie or a loner on a really really lonely island. wat has happened? hav i been questioning about this too much & not solving the problem but how do i do it when there isn't a chance? i feel so so disappointed. i wk so hard 2 be where i am only 2 land in this kinda disappointment which is almost bringing me into depression. i dread waking up 4 wk (which is normal), i dread gg 2 wk & i dread gg 2 bed only 2 end up thinking abt the disappointment and how many times have i ended up in tears bcoz itz kinda the only other way 2 dispel my frustration (the other way is to quit).

我觉得很茫然, 在等待勇气降临的一天, 而我告诉自己放弃是走向前一步, 不是停滞或后退.

maybe i shd juz prepare for the wedding like wat SK suggested & ignore the rest but itz too too hard. i kinda wish i dun hav 2 step into the place again. i wish...i can be happy again. i really forgot the last time i was really really happy.

i look forward to my clear blue sky...

memorable trip part I

wow, is tat a spider web i saw on the blog? keke.

i wish i'm in my dreams & i wan go back aus!! back 4 4 days & i'm still dying 4 the place. i tin i've been kinda floating ard the workplace these few days with post-hol syndrome. i feel really sleepy.

the 10-day aus trip was quite a blast in my opinion other than the let-down weather (a rainy aus anyone?) at times, getting the tour group 2 move on, reminding them tat the aus clock ticks fast & earlier, trying my best 2 be a navigator, trying my best 2 stay awake when i'm at the front seat. my entire family was there, thy BF was there, i tin everyone's quite happy 2 be with everyone & the trip has helped bonded everyone better, like now mum shd be assured tat bro's gf seems like a gd cook. she cooked breakfast every morn if need be. contrast? i slept & woke up 4 breakfast every morn. luckily thy BF's mom wasn't there :P

the trip started wif brisbane & our 1st stop was harbourtown!! the rain did spoil things tho...thy sisters ended up not visiting some major shops & had 2 explain how could they have missed out those places?? lol. our 4 days at bris were spent visiting the same old places, like my fave surfer's paradise, indooropilly, south bank & we went to the Treasury casino 4 the 1st time thks 2 dad & mum...i like the place coz itz non-smoking. nice. we also did a lot of shopping wif harbourtown, indooro, queen st mall & DFO!! i like.

we moved on 2 byron bay on the 5th day. the day started fine wif fine weather & our drive down was rather smooth. everyone got a tad excited by the cows, horses & farms they saw on the way. the beach wasn't as gd as surfer's in my opinion but well, itz the drive 2 the accomodation tat baffles everyone. i could feel my heart thumping harder & harder wif every inch's drive esp aft we drove onto the right street. when we arrived, everyone was shocked. well, we had 2 drive thru a passageway (with trees on both sides), then we finally got 2 the hse which overlooked the hills. beautiful scenery but it reminds me of those houses in slasher flicks. everyone was quite unused 2 the surroundings. needless, most of us had a bad nite (esp mom who is so scared) & 4 me, the idea of the owner sharpening his knife in his house doesn't help 2 put me 2 sleep cum menses cramp. how nice. we woke up at 5am the next day & left the house. oh well, the main highlight of byron was 2 catch the sunrise altho we do use 漏夜落跑 2 describe the scene coz everyone was frantically packing their stuffs 2 leave the house but...hey, the sunrise dun wait k. Right after stepping out of the house, we then knew it was raining. needless 2 say, there goes our sunrise (again).

spent much of the 6th day driving 2 hunter valley. everyone was vy pleasant 2 c our accomodation there. itz those kinda wooden log cabin which is vy nicely furnished & itz located in a vineyard! vy vy nice, erm if my family compared tat 2 the byron one. we were recommended 2 eat at this place called blaxland inn 4 dinner. oh, the pork chop is done in such a nice way tat itz still so juicy when it went into our mouth. the surrounding is juz so surreal (i forgot all about s'pore bcoz we will nvr get tat here...)

shall continue the rest of the days in another post...got 2 koon. itz still only fri & the dreaded month-end is here again :(

i miss my south bank, surfers & shopping...