i wish i have the courage...

read from shiling's blog tat she has decided to quit her job.

i wish i have the courage. thy BF has been supportive but i'm still feeling apprehensive.

i always tin there is much at stake & i always tin so much...as usual. making myself absolutely miserable is part of my life.

i wish i have the courage and i can go 4 wat i really really wan.

question is: wat do i really really wan? right now, itz perhaps not gg 2 wk where i felt like a zombie or a loner on a really really lonely island. wat has happened? hav i been questioning about this too much & not solving the problem but how do i do it when there isn't a chance? i feel so so disappointed. i wk so hard 2 be where i am only 2 land in this kinda disappointment which is almost bringing me into depression. i dread waking up 4 wk (which is normal), i dread gg 2 wk & i dread gg 2 bed only 2 end up thinking abt the disappointment and how many times have i ended up in tears bcoz itz kinda the only other way 2 dispel my frustration (the other way is to quit).

我觉得很茫然, 在等待勇气降临的一天, 而我告诉自己放弃是走向前一步, 不是停滞或后退.

maybe i shd juz prepare for the wedding like wat SK suggested & ignore the rest but itz too too hard. i kinda wish i dun hav 2 step into the place again. i wish...i can be happy again. i really forgot the last time i was really really happy.

i look forward to my clear blue sky...