itchy...

there were a few times i wanted 2 blog but was too lazy 2 come here...

well, time is like flashing past, i've seen my collz came & went on their core leave...so so fast. i've been there 4 almost gulp, 5 mths!! & the industry is deep in crisis now & everyday i got 2 entertain the tot of being retrenched. 4 a while, i tot great, i'll be getting a break but does being the chosen 'one' tells me abt my quality. dunno. today i was stimulating the scene & i tin i might tear...itz still a tad malu isn't it?

attended 2 weddings last wk...itz a gd week 4 weddings i reckon...at least i knew of 5 weddings taking place. my cousin got married on x'mas day 2 a chinese woman. i'm not close 2 him or rather 2 any of my dad's relatives but gossipy things r simply too gd 2 turn down at times...haha. especially when those aunts r ard, ppl r juz so duh at times isn't it? & i reminded mommy not 2 repeat the 'mistake' during any of our weddings or all these will be endless. attended tommy's wedding on sat...the cute animation was let down by the direction of the stupid projector. most of us sitting on this side could not enjoy the slide shows & animation bah. wat a waste. my fave part of the wedding is that & i dun get 2 c it...argh. at the end of the everything, tommy turned so red itz amusing...i've nvr seen a redder groom. oh maybe, i hvn been attending enough weddings. haha.

in a interesting twist, i found the groom in the next ballroom sharing the same name as a primary schoolmate. i tot his name was rather special & itz prob hard 2 find a duplicate but well, i nvr noe. i tried 2 sneak & peek a bit aft the wedding, i din manage 2 c his face but it felt like him. would he recognise me? i tin i've lost all my primary schoolmates. this guy used 2 be on my best frens' list (at least in primary 4) & i remembered borrowing the secret island by enid blyton from him 2 read again & again. there were 4 of us then, same like the protagonists in the book. i tin i was nora, if anyone ever read the book. it was a vy nice book. quite a weird feeling & it serves to remind me again how time has flied & i wonder how's everyone...

time 2 stop...i'm getting mosquito bites!! argh :(

LPL tins: wld S-L-J still be free 2 do blog stalking? LOL :P

btw to SLJ: thy WII is not pirated!!!

got 2 go...itz getting too itchy!!

this might be my last post...

& i nearly lost this blog again...wonder watz wrong wif blogger & google...always making me tin i've lost this blog forever :x

itz late. i'm unwell. i shd sleep. i'm getting used 2 being faintish, giddy or having tat floating feeling these days. i really need 2 stop giving myself so much stress & learn 2 relax & of coz, exercise!

time really flies these days...it has been 3 mths at the new place. i dun really like it but itz gd $$$ so i tin i'll grind & grunt & get over it altho quitting shines past my mind like everyday. i tin i'll quit working 4 a while 1 day for recuperation. thanks 2 my belief tat if i start earlier, i get a better chance of like bonus (which will be non-existent 4 the yr) & well, ha, nothing, i tin we r getting nothing this yr. i hope 4 an increment tho...altho not having it means we hav more time 4 the flat. dilemma...i would love more $$$ so i can quit sooner 2 get my health back but oh well, every cloud has its silver lining. toking abt the flats, haiz, hope the prices will drop soon...now then i realise how broke i am. *i cun afford something i wan! so i started aiming higher in my career...i'll wk hard 2 be promoted but itz a dilemma again. i noe i'll get myself all stressed up again if i do tat. oh well, let nature take its course lah...

btw, i gave up on my rogue 4 sometime, she's rotting. poor thing, she's my fave character like 1st love u noe...ha. i got a level 61 warlock le! wat a miracle...ha. tho i like playing wow, i realised that i got 2 play it lesser these days. my body cnt take all these late nites coz i cun/dun wan 2 stop playing! oops, i shd sleep...

3 mths 2 bris again!!! i cun wait! cun wait 2 c the familiar places again! i dun care abt the weather...i juz well, feel so much better 2 be back there again...2 be out of here.

wow...

i tin my eyesight muz be failing more & more...now tat i'm hooked on WoW :P

i'm gg 2 up my rogue training, train more on leatherworking & cooking later...haha. i'm really hooked...i played until i puked. okay, itz more of the bad screen resolution of thy BF's 2nd com or eating too much :(

either way, i hav diarrhoea today.

to my lovely mates: i'll hav 2 stay away from s***mb**t 4 a while. i feel nauseous even not thinking of the word...oops.

i'm missing all my prev jobs where i can take mc w/o a care. not tat i cun now but i juz kept having this notion of being fired from the job bcoz i kept making mistakes! being the work perfectionist, this is bad. i need 2 perk myself up again...so...i'm gg 2 play WoW! haha.

魔杰座

thy silly sister is so happy tat jay's album is called '魔杰座' bcoz she's a capricorn & borne on the same day as him...duh as usual.

cun wait 4 the next break...

T...I...R...E...D

b4 i switch off the com...

aft surfing a few websites, i tin i'll be spending $$$ on:

1) some Laneige loose powder;
2) Kose Junkisui foaming wash.

my face has been facing a breakout lately :(

no wonder the hairdresser tot i'm still schooling :(

so sad tat i spend quite a lot of $$$ on products but they dun seem 2 wk :(

but i got red hair now! altho the hairstyle still looks limpy & mks me feel old.

muz be the breakdown making me feel bad :X

thy BF has embarked on his 2-week vegetarian stint & i hope 2 join him sometimes coz itz time 2 cleanse my system too.

wk has kinda started 4 almost 2 wks le. everyday is busy learning new things. i hvn even had time 2 snoop on internal postings! i also feel better than i did last wk. perhaps i've really learnt 2 kinda let go :)

met some ex-co ppl working at current co 4 lunch today...itz supposed 2 be a nice gathering but it had 2 rain. imagine eating at top speed coz the rain was blowing at u every min & dunno y there were uncovered parts over the outdoor seats which we were in. so the lunch ended quickly & awkwardly & half the time they were mentioning names tat i dunno (yet).

i aspired 2 jog on sat...i shd really mk it happen. thy BF needs some exercise too :D

newbie jitteries

i tin itz the same wif all new jobs, the so-called newbie jitteries. hopefully things will get better & i will pass my stay peacefully & blissfully. When i woke up this morn, i actually missed ex-job a bit. i miss the flexibility of arranging my bedtime & arrival time at time, basically the freedom of time arrangement & at lunch, i miss my lunch kakis even tho we (if SC ever c this) juz kept toking abt the same topic over & over again. i tin (& i hope) itz juz the newbie jitteries or itz gonna be hard 2 survive.


life is like a rollercoaster at times. i got 2 learn how 2 take & enjoy it in the process. Can the ride not be so bumpy tho? haha :P

btw, i miss japan. i miss anywhere lah. anywhere except here :x

1st day of short Freedom...

it officially ended yday le. not much feelings except mild exhaustion & relief at a final break.

getting jitteries about the next. Can i fit, will i give up aft a while?

i was trying 2 sell my 'make the job interesting urself' thing juz now & i was asked y dun i try 2 mk audit interesting & stay on. i tot abt it juz now & came up wif the answer which i wld hav wanted it 2 be. I noe wat was i there 4 in the 1st place: 2 switch 2 the banking industry which ideally would have suited my element, so i hope it will be as blissful as my shipping expedition & itz damn hard 2 get in w/o relevant experience man. call me supersitious but i tot some of the things the fortune teller told me was amazing. i nvr like auditing during my study days, i struggled the most during audit papers & itz a miracle how i passed my acca audit papers, itz juz something i nvr tot i'll do. I made a transfer 2 the right dept i was 2 be in if i wan 2 fulfill my trf of industry aft knowing my then-dept wun offer me wat i wan.

i like this. it reminds me of wat i can be made of & i still hav a clear mind at the end of the day.

okay, i did sight thy BF & mommy as reasons y i wan 2 go. i'm a vy family person. i'm the kind who will wan 2 break down at 2am upon receiving mommy's call on y i still hav 2 wk so late. i tin i dun hav an appropriate answer & i feel quite sorry 2 her tat she has worried abt me all my life & still has 2 continue 2 until maybe i get married or something. Ya, u can quote the parents-will-always-love-their-child thing but we shdn't juz take it 4 granted. they shd hav an easier life bcoz as i grew older, i realised the past was hard. I nvr understood y i only earned a caning when i kept pestering 4 a barbie doll or the disgust on a relative's face when she complaint 2 her mum tat i'm playing wif her barbies. dad was hardworking but quiet & ppl juz took advantage of him 4 tat...dad has been working at same co but pay remained stagnant 4 10 yrs le bah & pay is pathetic, only higher than my 1st pay 4 HF. so now WE (thy sisters) muz wk hard, earn more $$$ so ppl can nvr look down on us again & parents can lift their heads high & say proudly abt us. tat past feeling was shity but it helped 2 spur me on & it prob shaped the person i am.

& thy poor BF who c me working, exhausted, sleeping, stressed, depressed or crying throughout the days shd be entitled 2 a day off this Friday (bcoz i'm off too & itz daddy's bday!) now tat his sufferings have tentatively ended 4 a while...if new job is okay, then he's off the hook. thks baby, u noe how impt it is 4 me 4 u 2 be there...bcoz i might hav lost shiling & eliz as frens wif the incessive self-indulgent depression & whining i had. trust me, i was irritated at myself at times...i tin i was too much. ah, i shd try 2 fix this but whining seems 2 hav become a part of me ley :P

countdown...

itz a tad hard 2 believe. i was wincing at the amt of shopping in the itinerary but now, i tin, i do miss bkk a bit. i believe itz due 2 the fact tat i'm back in sg now. i love being away these days. i hated coming back from japan. i miss aus quite a bit. i dun mind even gg 2 genting now perhaps. juz 2 get away from here. i shd start 2 plan 4 my next trip. i wan spa sessions!!

i arrived back from bkk wif S$700 lesser in my pocket but i tin i bought quite a bit of stuffs. i found some styles of clothings tat i've been looking 4 a while. i tin i shd hav built some muscles into my legs & biceps from all the shopping & carrying of stuffs...haha. i din manage 2 visit a supermarket as i wld hav like tho. there r 2 things i tot i'll do gg overseas:

1) tasting the kfc there (i juz wan 2 cfm anywhere else's kfc is better than sg's :P)
2) visit the supermarket (i tot itz nice 2 c wat the locals hav or buy).

bkk felt like m'sia too. some of the buildings looked vy old & somehow, i juz find the thais look familiar which i juz realised, maybe the construction worker link. i tin itz quite an eye-opener (my 1st time there), their markets & malls hav like endless shopping, i tin i'll prob collapse if i hav 2 go thru all, too much 2 take. itz really amazing too tat the shops r not too repetitive as expected. itz vy hot too, like sg. i tot it will be lovely 2 walk thru the market if the weather is cooler. i lost my sanity sweating there. i've hoped there was more interaction between thy travelling mates too but all were too busy shopping. something 2 wk on perhaps but nevertheless, still quite an experience & we also met this impressive thai cab driver who speaks thai, english, mandarin & jap! his poor family background made him all the more hardworking & we r like, shopping like crazy. oh, i'm missing the massage sessions vy much. itz cheap & really vy gd. i wld go back 4 the massage.

tmr is a day i've been waiting 4 sometime. i anticipate it wif mixed feelings, more of a mix of relief & anticipation. wonder how it will be like but i'm vy clear on the choice i've made. i can c the clear blue skies!! as i looked back on a similar-themed post done 2 yrs ago, i hope the path will be diff this time & there wun be whining posts sprouting soon :P

sick gal's day...

the upper of my arms r aching. the cause? playing baseball & tennis on Wii. much as it hurts 2 lift my arms now...i do relish the exercise. i was sweating at the end too. did i also say i'm kinda hooked on tat machine. i visit thy BF aft 10pm frm wk 2 play...it muz be some craze huh. i would say itz the interaction. i enjoyed the interaction wif fellow players & seeing how it bonds ppl.

i felt sick today. my back seems 2 be getting well advanced of age. it kinda aches frequently nowadays. i was contemplating seeing a doc over it aft knowing wat happened 2 ZJ & wat i've read. as known, i'm a constant worrier, so i scare myself over stuffs. so wif arm-ache & backache, i tin i hav a headache & felt feverish but it doesn't feel hot enough 2 be a fever. i really dunno wat happened. i hope it wun spoil my long-awaited bangkok trip.

i'm flying vy early fri morn! SQ & ZJ r already in phuket le. i was doing some information search on the city juz now & i got a bit excited. there r juz so so many shopping waiting & we r staying at this serviced apartment which is opp all the action & which prob meant if the gals wan 2 stay in the hotel, i can pop by opp. 4 some supermarket shopping & c if there r interesting stuffs. i shd really bring a luggage there. i'm still deciding between a backpack or luggage. the latter will prob do vy well if i really overbuy. dilemma dilemma!

the end seems 2 be nearing! yay! the announcement looks like it will happen this wk & i can proceed le. i might venture into something worse but itz better than not trying at all. i'm prob more excited abt things happening outside all these now lor. my life looks 2 be taking off 2 something new from next year & i will assume a new role in life. i hav 2 wk harder :)

HOT!

kaoz, itz a hot hot day again! i muz grumble again...y cun sg hav 4 seasons? i wld love 2 be in aus now...muz be so cooling. so envious of ivy & DQ. FAT is complaining she's cold. this is absurd. she muz be crazy.

this morn, i decided 2 exercise no matter wat. i cun even remember when's the last time i exercised. this is really vy bad. i nvr gave my body a chance 2 properly excrete out tat toxic by sweating & kept on pounding on the fats & cholestrol. all on the convenient excuse tat i'm too thin. i also like this notion tat if i sweat often like this, i'll prob not get heated up so easily. i hate sweating on other occasions & i get really irritated if i do. anyway, i'm hvg bodyache now thks 2 the exercise. it simply shows how long i've been giving excuses on not exercising. i was vy wobbly by my 3rd round of jogging. i tot i'll collapse & it doesn't help further tat i decided 2 go vegetarian today. i was starving like crazy by 5 but i tot this is a nice day overall :)

shiling is asking us abt a song tat has a sentence tat goes 'cun go back to the past & cun go to the future too'. cracking our brains :x

aft a nice meal...

i juz had a fulfilling dinner. thy BF & i were at Ah Yat Seafood at Turf City. It was a wonderful dinner:

1) Chilli Scotland Stone Crab - the roe is so so good...yum...too much shell tho :)
2) Bamboo Clams with garlic & soya sauce - eating the taste of the good old times...
3) Drunken Prawns - this is the best! the prawns were so sweet & fresh...i wan 2 eat more of them! *drooling at the tot of it :D

they din cost us a bomb too. this is a nice start 2 the weekend :)

i'm supposed 2 be on 3 weeks' leave from mon but it was spoilt by the fact tat i hav 2 go back on some days bah. nvm, i shd take a more positive approach twds things, maybe i'll feel better. i do wan 2 be responsible dun i? i tin so. sometimes i hate myself 4 feeling this way. i can heck care & maybe i'll be happier but...itz juz not me tho :x

btw, me & BF has came up wif a nice name 4 coconut (not tat he's really gg 2 be named coconut in future, itz a pet name), we'll name him Lukas (aka Lukas 'Coconut' Wang or Ong) & it really sounds quite gd altho we might give up the idea if his namesake (german striker Lukas Podolski ) fails 2 help win $$$ by being the top goalscorer at the euro. Go Lukas!!! I wan 2 win $$$...haha.

coconut pork chop

so coconut's godmum doesn't seem 2 like his name...it sounds weird when put wif pork chop. Pork chop is a dog's name btw, which is kinda weird coz the food item juz kept popping in my mind. anyway, if no like coconut, can hav the nex one...

TADA:

Fruits & vegetables "C" series

Cucumber 王瓜

i tin i like this name...i feel so much cooler thinking of him & 4 his future career, he can be 瓜王...haha. like coconut can be 椰子王 coconut king & we can hav endless nice cooling coconut water le. nice. hahahahaha.

so ellie, u prefer coconut's future godmum or cucumber's future godmum? keke :P

宝贝，加油！

i muz stop thinking abt how bad it is 2 hav 2 wk tmr (but hey, can't it be SERIOUS monday blues?) & tin something better of tmr. I muz stop the research. my headache is getting worse. I tin the ending will still be sad tmr. it kinda getting like a norm huh...no good coz i still bawled myself out aft every failure. i muz take some cues from 100-times-interviews-failures & ask her how she got thru all those shit & landed a sort-of-dream job.

btw, Ms 100-times-interviews-failures actually asked thy BF & me if she can hav instalments 2 our wedding ang pau. wah, she's in such bad shape? anyway, thy BF retorted wif his quick thinking & Ms 100 ended up wif hvg 2 pay more bah...hahahhah...it was really funny.

In the car tat fateful Sat morn aft dropping Kim...aft some random topics
Ms 100: Can i pay ur wedding ang pau in instalments?
thy BF (thinking vy quick): sure, if u r giving us $1k...
Ms 100 - speechless & perhaps laughing
thy BF continues: if u can pay tat much (is it $488) 4 rain, u can pay tat much 4 us...
& both of them continues 2 argue. Ms 100 muz felt relieved 2 reach home or wished her psm is sending her back instead...hahahaha.

i enjoyed last friday vy much. i tin i hvn had time or chance 2 chat wif my mates 4 quite long already. altho i was feeling vy hot coz there was no wind but i tin itz really sometime since we had heart-to-heart chats like this. itz almost like the past. i've been lamenting abt too much wk making me lost my social life. i never felt better like last fri. thks gals. 朋友就像酒一样， 越久越香浓。 好久没那么舒服了，谢谢。

but 2

coconut's future godmum, who or wat is pork chop? it made me hungry when i was reading.

thy BF has lately embarked on a diet adventure 2 get back 2 this:

this pic was taken in Nov 06 (courtesy of his once-stranger aka coconut's future godmum), bf's hair looked kinda weird...like itz curly. thy BF has since became...

the 2 pics doesn't seem 2 generate much difference due to the amazing effects of photography. u hav 2 c the real thing. according 2 him, i hav fed him 2 be 黑黑胖胖...maybe the jacket did help him a little...ha. we had a gd laugh over this in japan coz he looked like a warrior dressed in their kimono-styled bathrobes & u hav 2 c the real thing 2 laugh vy much...ha. baby, 加油！！！

feeling sleepy now...thks the euro match this morn. Y cun they show italy-spain 1st? argh. but i'm glad the over-rated holland team has been knocked out of the competition. yawnz.

i need a break

i dunno whether 2 be sad or happy tat thy BF cun be a hairdresser coz he's actually helping 2 blow dry my hair now but he's juz moving the dryer up & down behind my head...most of my hair r still wet & the part of shirt on the back is hot from the blowing...thks...when he asked 2 continue or not, i actually said yes. now he's moving sideways...i dun tin i'll be able 2 sleep tonite. italy vs. france...here i come...

anyway my sentimental fave team is doing vy badly in the Euro tat they might not even step into the next round by winning later. worse, the team has became a bunch of italian uncles tat u cun bear watching anymore. i nearly wanted 2 fly into the tv & whack the whole team out of their mind but according 2 some paper critics & thy BF, their midfield is doing fine but i juz cun bring myself 2 watch. i realised i hvn been following up on inzaghi 4 vy long. not only did the job cost me precious time, patience, character, frens...i dun even hav time 2 catch up on my fave footballer on all times & milan isn't anywhere on my realistic target of travel lately.

met up wif bkk old ladies in the aft & they hav a new destination in taiwan...SC asked if i wan go HK coz she has free lodgings...nono, i got 2 reject. I had enough this yr (altho i like 2 get out of here as much as i can)...& i got 2 save up 4 aus nex yr unless maybe ivy moves there earlier & can house my entourage...haha. i simply got 2 start saving & looking at the credit card bills, i hav spent a lot too. Sat's shopping trip yielded 2 tops & 2 pairs of shoes & another 2 tops & a bottom last thurs. the wardrobe is getting too overcrowded. i HAVE TO SAVE. period.

i was vy vy vy pissed off today. as if the com keeps cnt working, i dun deserve someone barking at me over it w/o even understanding the whole situation & making a conclusion wif his asshole mind. yes, i really his mind is in his ass at times. he really tins he's tat gd & everything he tot is correct. my foot. i always told myself tat he can still get vy childish, stupid & totally unbearing at times but i've tried 2 lighten over time. itz really a waste coz something juz nvr chg. dun tok 2 me abt 计较 between family. u were the asshole who taught me tat. look at urself over the yrs, when hav u ever forked out? dun tin by treating a few meals & subscribing 2 ch55 lately u hav changed something. i can rattle a few more expletives on tat. i was so furious this aft i teared at the west mall library, attracting curious eyes. bloody hell. i'll nvr forget all this. from now, the animosity is on again. he can go 2 hell 4 all i care & i wun shed a tear. thks 4 piercing further into my down-ness which is already at its worst wif everything tat is happening ard me, esp the job search. i will remember this.

lately some bright (might be dimming 4 all i noe aft my email juz now) light did filter into my career at current place. i was offered 2 be involved in a big job which also happens 2 be a shity new job. i also flunked in my latest interview wif 1 of the coveted banks 2 wk 4 previously. so this might be a silver lining altho i'm really not keen 2 stay at the place. i slept & dreamt abt the day i can leave. no wonder i heard dreams r the opposite of reality, i'm still at the same old place. i really lost interest in working lately. i juz wan 2 sleep, slack & stay at home everyday. mentioning wk can bring tears 2 me, i suppose i really hav a vy huge phobia & i tot mabe i ought 2 seek pro help but no, i tin i will heal fine if i can leave or not work. adding 2 a most depressing day was an email telling me 2 handle some wk this week when i'm on leave! i cun take it. it all accumulates 2 a point i cun take it & i cun breathe. i did something uncharacteristic...i became irresponsible. i said i was sick (i really was tho in some truth) & i dun wan 2 handle it this week. give me a break pls? i'm sick 2 the brim 4 life lately.

stucked

a month has passed since my last entry...i'm still stucked at where i am...altho some fluke silver lining did like appear & made me joyous 4 like 2 wks. i felt so glad i din commit too much of the future into my shopping in japan but i still feel sad coz no one wans me & i'm STUCKED!! i'm gg back 2 tat draggy place aft a 2 wks' break. oh man!! holidays shd be forever!! met up wif the gal collz (or ex-collz i hope soon) juz now & itz really terrifying 2 noe i'm still like employed at the same place which i hope i wun be come next year same time. hai, i was indulging in some nice throw-the-letter dream earlier & it all burst rite aft the holidays...WTF. i've learnt never 2 take anything 4 granted until the last min. i shd learn.

btw, i came back frm japan wif burberry blue label & agnes b bags! i reached my goals!! YAY!! so happy...haha. & i din do as much damage 2 my wallet as feared. things were a tad ex & i'm into SALE. also got this pair of ah-ma (FAT was laughing at the purchase) shoes for 1,050 yen, vy cheap & it feels quite comfy...not bad at all. other triumphant purchases include 1 more pair of comfy shoes, donald duck shirt (my fave disney character!), nice pearly earphones, disneyland bag (i hav 2 get 1 bag at each disneyland but 1 of the button dropped off tdy :(), all the wonderful, cool & cheap facial products (i love matsumoto kiyoshi :D) & getting FAT & Sis 2 buy things i dun wan 2 spend on...hahahahaha...esp proud of the last one. i nearly convinced FAT bought a blue label bag until Sis spoilt it all. all in all, i do like the country & i shd be gg back, not so soon tho but definitely not on JAL. i nearly lost my right hearing & the food sucks big time. it was an overall poor experience on the airline & our spoilt Auntie & FAT already requested 4 our homegrown airline 4 the nex trip. ya, if itz not too ex.

i saw a lot of sales walking thru city hall & orchard tdy. i cun wait 2 start! haha...& therez my fave m)phosis sale which i got 2 tops. oh, therez bangkok too end-jul & i reckon we'll shop till we drop bah. sounds fun & tiring. old ladies shd go out & 'exercise' at times tho i wonder how wounded we would already be wif this GSS b4 we made the trip :P

random blabberings...

is it me? is it i din get myself (& my concerns) across too clearly or i simply trusted tat ppl juz knew wat i wan? i guessed i shd hav learnt nvr 2 pin my hopes on anything since at the end of the day, i'm still stucked at i am & i dunno when can i go. this is really really sad 4 me. i walked into the ofc tdy realising all ard me r collz, not frens which meant i was bored out the whole time & i really wished itz the last time i ever had 2 be in tat place when i walked out tdy. i hope, i pin, i dream of the day i could finally do tat but tat day doesn't look in sight & i'm juz pretty upset.

SC said i wasn't making an effort 2 mix into HER group coz i cun join them again tmr nite but i already set up an appt. there is no way i'm dropping my long-time pals 4 an awkward session & i was informed by her only tdy. i find her words totally unfair but i din say much again, juz like how some unglamorous power struggles stuffs cnt be said 2 me but could be conveyed 2 others. it made me felt like a 2nd-grade fren & itz not the 1st time i felt left out like this. not tat we muz definitely share such stuffs but i guess tat feeling of left out is plain sucky when u tot we r quite gd pals. so i dunno if she will ever understand my situation like how i guess everyone will hav 2 suffice their secrets when i'm ard & i had 2 smile awkwardly when i dun understand their jokes if i ever join THEIR gathering. y shd i subject ppl & myself 2 the situation juz bcoz i wan 2 mix in & top of all, i'm not part of THEIR group? okok, i noe the argument, if i nvr ever try, i will forever be lonely. too bad 4 myself then but i juz dun feel like entertaining. i dun mean 2 complain but i hav been bottling it up 4 sometime.

is tat y i dun hav as much frens as i might hav like 2 hav? i'm comfy wif the current 'frens' state tho.

btw, i heard agnes b cheaper in japan & we juz got the tentative confirmation tat the trip is still on at this moment. i really hope the trip is on.

short short notes

thy BF got a vy gd increment & some bonus, so i'm promised some material rewards...ha...tat shd cheer me a little. i guess i dun mind hvg more burberry blue label bags or some other nice stuffs i can find in japan...hee.

1 month 2 the japan trip...i really hope therez enough ppl 2 mk the tour. if not, we already hav aussie as a backup...not bad too...i'm quite pleased at the tot of gg back :)

CRAZY

I muz let this madness stop! itz juz wk & wk & wk all the time! itz 3am & i'm really vy vy tired! i really felt like dying! who is still tying figures (another of the same species embroiled in this madness) at this hour when u cun even c properly! when can all this madness end? it has been long enough...i really cun take it anymore if it doesn't stop soon...this job nids so much time & attention tat i'm paying 4 it wif heavy consequences.

when can i hav my life back? when can i hav my time back?

soon soon...WTF, wat the all-4-the-future tat i got myself into this madness?! i can really hate myself at times.

happy April Fool's Day!

i decided 2 loaf 4 a while tonite altho we r pending MIC review on thurs & PIC review on fri. nice. we juz went into the job tdy. nicer. so i tot a gd rest 4 me wld be gd 4 this final (i hope itz final) rush. the toughest period seems 2 be over yday. i tot i'll die coz so many times thru it, i tot i cun sustain but this is a total new experience. clearing stuffs wif the Empress of our firm...i tot she will boot me out soon but it nvr happened & she was more patient than i tot. the rush was horrible tho...hvg 2 sustain 16-20 hrs days over a whole week inclusive of weekends + tiring (16-20) days frm b4...i've been leading this life almost all the time since like sep? i really tot i'll die altho there were some slacks in between but since nov, itz like ki siao working. the finale ended wif me running 2 the same place 3 times yday. wah kaoz...i was dead tired, & i meant really terribly exhausted tat i can lie down & dun even wan move again. i nearly reached breaking point a few times coz it was juz amending & amending & amending & worse, i had 2 face slave driver 4 a week straight. tat can really kill. discussing wif the client till 5 am sure isn't the best way 2 start the weekend & knowing u hav 2 go back wk on a sunday at 9pm on saturday when u tot everything shd be okay aft the discussion wif client (until they peng & really wan give in) really tears me apart. i had 2 admit i really cun handle the stress anymore, so imagine the relief when the go-ahead was given 4 binding until the run-3-times but itz all over! i survived thru the shit! & i tin i left a mess back 2 slave driver 2 do the final clearing up! haha.

another rushed week has started. reporting is nex mon. nice. so we got like 3 days 2 clear everything? oh no, it shd be 1 or the MIC has nothing on thurs. i decided 2 push it 2 the back of my mind...& let all the rush start tmr. do i dread all these? i dunno also at times bcoz coming back 2 tin of it, it was vy satisfying 2 c the end-product but gg thru it was hell. i will not deny tat it has went thru my mind many times wat wld the scenario be if i shd choose 2 stay but everytime the stress came 2 boiling pt, all i wan 2 do is 2 escape frm it bcoz it has reached a pt where i dunno how i could handle it anymore. i cun channel my frustration. i got upset when i din perform up 2 the standard i tot i could reach. itz juz so easy 2 get all frustrated & juz snapped. i hate me in tat moment. no matter wat, i tot i shd keep my cool & maintain a high EQ when it comes 2 wk but i juz cun. maybe the stress was really too high & i was facing a person i really dread working wif but r they valid excuses? u might meet wif this everywhere...i dunno. i tin i'm at a lost on how 2 resolve this & i finally can empathatise wif wat CP told me earlier on y she wan quit come aug. even the used-to-be-super-on ken is adapting a heck-care attitude & seems wan 2 leave...hmm, the firm shd pay S-L J even more 2 get him 2 spread more propaganda but he's vy not free now...haha.

i hope no one cancels on the japan trip again coz we need at least 10 ppl 2 make the trip. kaoz. i dun wan 2 miss it aft like literally begging 4 my leave. yes, itz tat pathetic. i had 2 tok my way 2 get the leave. itz like so precious. haiz...maybe i can comfort myself wif the fact i'm quite impt 2 the team so MIC was adamant i be ard...haha. now i feel better...hahaha.

tdy's april's fool day but no one ard me seems 2 be in the mood 4 tricks...i tin everyone's real exhausted. the ofc crowd shrunk by a bit aft yday. more magical than Q-ing 4 hello kiity. so i kept forgetting tat tdy's april's fool day.

i'm not gg 2 david tao's concert lo. i found a perfect excuse. we r celebrating mum's bday. there will be some travelling over the nex 2 wks in the family. Bro's gg KL on a business trip this weekend & Sis' gg Penang over nex weekend & we r edging closer 2 the japan trip (which hopefully will not be cancelled).

btw, a little secret...something seems 2 be developing between FAT & Magic Pills. itz a bit of joke & topic in our family altho i tin mum din really wan 2 tok abt it on the surface but secretly, she's kaypoh too...hahaha. Sis set a 4 layer check 4 the guy 2 pass if they shd ever mk it tog...i tin we r all a bit protective over the little sister. i tin i'll be real sceptical & the guy has 2 do a bit 2 win me over...i'm the 3rd layer wif Sis being the final one. it sounds a bit weird but itz like this in my family, if Sis' okay, mum & dad shd be okies too, so thy BF has been approved by her. poor FAT's future will hav 2 pass more layers of approval. can take a leaf out of thy BF's book tho :P

tots b4 sleeping :x

juz had a small cup of instant noodles, my dinner, supper or breakfast. had an unhappy day. was already tired enough as it is by the proceedings of normal routine wk when the day juz went downhill coz slave driver is aft me again. & the day juz buang. tears started 2 flow, all the stress coming on. i decided 2 face all like normal wk but in the end CFA settled 4 me. wat a cool aic...i enjoyed her email...& immediately shared it wif one of my closest work confidiante, S-L J (dun say nvr share gd stuffs wif u...haha) & i hope it perked up his day altho it was a bit late...ha. wahaha...a bit bad of me. If i got the chance, i will paste wat i said 2 him here, i'm quite proud i stood up 2 him. wat an asshole. I tin i worked better aft tat altho still real slow. I tin i'm exhausted at this juncture...i bet i'll be late again later altho i'm stopping now so i can mk it 2 wk earlier later. still got a lot 2 go :(

sat's SC's bday...i tin i shd be more patient at times...i also dunno watz wrong at times but she's still being a nice collz or rather, fren & amazingly, we r still hanging out wif each other. sometimes i hope i'll leave earlier than her coz i dun hav much frens at wk & i'll be real lonely if she leaves 1st. selfish tots :P

not much of happenings except wk, wk & more wk! haiz...wat a sad life. by the time i am free frm wk, itz almost time 2 leave. quite nice too. anticipative.

tdy's grandma's 6th death anniversary. how how fast. i started 2 tin a bit of the past, how i wld happily walked frm her place 2 the nearest mac 2 buy some fries & got all happy & proud of myself coz i was only in Primary 2. how sleepy days were spent at her place while mum went 2 play mj at some place we dun like. how she took care of us when FAT was borne. how she always look sad & lonely twds the end of her life. how it felt the morning we knew she's gone. how i cried my heart out the day b4 her cremation. i'm not especially close 2 her but she's like a integral part of my memories. i tin i felt especially sad when i tot of how she was pushed ard by my uncles during the last days of her life. is tat wat she deserved aft working hard her whole life? watz the use of wah, so many children or grandchildren or great-grandchildren at her funeral when no one really wanted her when she was still alive? i tot she's better off gone...she shd be happier. ah ma, r u? altho uncle still doesn't noe how 2 take care of himself or rather, he's escaping frm reality at times. we have nagged & scolded all we can but haiz. ur eldest great-grandson is having a shotgun marriage. a person might live only 4 a while but the memories left behind can be so vivid.